I’m a Mess

I don’t have my shit together.

This morning I rolled out of bed, grabbed the baby who was already in her clothes for today, changed her diaper, then went to wake up Olivia. It’s PJ day at school so getting her ready was super easy as well. I threw on a jacket, some flip flops (58 degrees and raining outside), and headed out. Unfortunately Olivia’s PJs were shorts and she told me she was cold, so I had to go back inside and get pants for her to wear. I mean, she’ll only be in the cold for like 15 seconds but apparently that’s too long and a good parent would have had her wear pants from the start, but I figured once she got inside she’d be fine.

Brooke gets dropped off second and she always comes inside Olivia’s school with me while Olivia gets situated and does the “question of the day”, which by the way is so great that they do that and the kids learn so much, but it’s the bane of my mornings. It maybe takes three minutes but that’s three more minutes I have to spend looking like a homeless woman and I just want to get out of there before anyone else sees me. Brooke loves coming inside Olivia’s school because all the kids love her and she gets to play and be the center of attention for a few minutes. On this day, I did not bring her in. We were late, it was cold and rainy, and I was not going to stand there in the pouring rain for 10 minutes while Brookie got in and out of the car by her “self”. “Can mama help?”. “No. Self”.

Brooke cried. I felt bad. I got back in the car and put my hand on her leg to apologize. She wasn’t having it and pinned my wrist to the seat with her foot and wouldn’t let go. She was pissed.

After prying my wrist out from between the seat and Brooke’s foot, I drove away. About 30 seconds later I got a phone call from Olivia’s school. I accidentally sent it to voicemail. I called back, it rang and rang. I hung up, tried again, it went to voicemail. They called me back, same thing. This went on a few more rounds until we finally connected and the teacher asked me if Olivia had a book for the book exchange today.

Book exchange… book exchange…

“We sent an email. And sent Olivia home with a note. And there was a note in her folder. And I reminded you yesterday…”

“Oh! The book exchange! Yes, I have it. I just forgot in my rush this morning. I’ll bring it before 11”.

I vaguely remember hearing about this book exchange. Granted, I don’t read all the notes she brings home from school- half end up scattered on the floor of my husbands car anyway, and I do check emails but not really. So when I got to Brooke’s home daycare I asked Miss Gladys if she had a book I could borrow/take and give to a random kid she doesn’t know. If anyone knows what a mess I am, it’s Miss Gladys. She started watching Olivia at three months old and always praised me for being the only parent that remembered to bring everything she needed and I always paid on time. Then I had Brooke and things went to shit. I looked at her bookshelf and there were plenty of good books but they were all worn. Because she actually uses them. At least someone reads to my children.

I figured I would just go home and grab one of our books then remembered that I haven’t read to my children in years and wasn’t even sure if there was a book in the house. My husband loves to throw things away so who knows if I would find one. I then decided to go to the Ross that’s on my way back home. There’s a complex with a Publix, Target, Marshall’s, and a Ross, and I chose Ross because I had no makeup on, my hair was ratty, I was wearing old sweatpants, flip flops, a race shirt, but a nice Lululemon jacket, and figured I looked more like I belonged in Ross, besides the Lululemon (no offense, but come on, it’s Ross).

I grabbed a book, two more Christmas gifts for my kids because I can’t help myself, and some wrapping paper. As I was checking out I realized I didn’t have any tape. Ross didn’t sell it either. I asked the girl checking me out if she had a few pieces of tape I could borrow but she had none back there. I hoped there was a roll of packing tape in my car leftover from when I pack up my Poshmark orders in there and luckily there was. Then I realized I had no scissors. I sat in my car wondering if I should just suck it up and go into Target. No, I couldn’t. Not the way I looked. I might see someone I knew. I tried to rip the paper nicely but it was good, strong wrapping paper with a metallic lining over it. I didn’t have a pen in my purse, just lip liner and I refused to ruin that, so I took one of Olivia’s Jojo bows she left in the car and used the metal to pierce the wrapping paper.

So there I was, in my car, parked in front of Ross, stabbing wrapping paper with a Jojo bow, wondering why I was such a mess of a mom.

The night before was Olivia’s dance recital. I told my parents about it 24 hours before it was supposed to start. I just forgot. My parents are heavily involved in my girls’ lives and don’t miss anything, so I felt bad because my mom works and needs to plan these things in advance. And it’s not like I don’t talk to my parents all the time. I talk to my mom every day. You think I would have told her about this. They went, of course, and brought Olivia a beautiful bouquet of Christmas flowers. My best friend came with her family and brought flowers as well. I forgot to get flowers. I also didn’t know she needed Mickey ears for the recital until the teacher texted me that day to remind me. Olivia didn’t have them at dress rehearsal and apparently Miss Gina understands who she’s dealing with, so texted me to remind me. I freaked out, thinking I had to go to the Disney Store five days before Christmas and what a nightmare that would be, but luckily our Target had one in stock so I ordered it online for pickup. Target saved the day!

I also forgot about dress rehearsal the night before. I was picking the girls up from school/daycare and planning on going to the gym with them. The Y has a kid zone that they love, plus Olivia takes dance there. It’s usually on Thursdays, but the recital was on Thursday and today was Wednesday. About 5:45 I see a text from the dance group about the rehearsal that night. I go back and look at the text the teacher sent earlier that day that said “don’t forget about the rehearsal tonight from 6-7!” Crap. I ran home, grabbed Olivia’s dance stuff, made her change in the car outside of the Y, and got there only 10 minutes late. Luckily the rehearsal hadn’t started yet so I’ll take that as a win.

I used to be so put together. I would never step out of my house with no makeup on whatsoever (a little concealer and a quick eyebrow fix goes a long way), in crappy sweatpants, and my hair in a ratty bun. Now that’s my go-to in the mornings. Granted, I work from home at the moment but if I had to go to an office (which I will soon!) I wouldn’t look like this when I dropped them off. I also used to remember everything and give advance notice to everyone concerned if there was a big, or small, event. I would have had the book for the book exchange the day they told me about it. I would have even bought an extra one just in case. But now, now I’m what my husband calls a “hot mess”. I don’t know what happened to my brain after having my second child but it definitely made me lose my shit a lot. I’m late to everything, I forget stuff all the time, and I just don’t pay attention the way I used to. Does it get better? Someone please tell me it gets better!!!!

Regarding being late- I can get to work or meetings on time, but that’s about it. Anything outside of that, well, just expect me 15 minutes later than I was supposed to be there. I simply cannot make a gym class on time. I try, I really do. I plan on leaving 15 minutes before I’m supposed to be there, it’s less than 5 minutes away, and that gives me 10 minutes to get situated. Doesn’t work out that way. Usually what happens is I’m yelling at the girls to get their shoes on, Olivia decides she doesn’t like what she’s wearing, changes three times, I can’t find Brooke’s shoes, I can’t find my shoes because Brooke was wearing them, we finally get out to the car and then Brooke takes a dump. I then take her out of the car, change her, and now we’re late.

I attribute this to having two kids. I guess my brain still hasn’t adapted yet and who knows if it ever will. I can’t imagine the brains of mothers with 3, 4, or even more kids, but I’ve seen those moms and they seem much more put together than I am. Olivia and Brooke are little effing darlings so a little scatterbrain is well worth everything they give me, but one day, just one day, I would like it if Brooke didn’t shit her pants right before we walk out the door.

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